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April 01, 2012

Advancements in Robotics May Sync with Mayan Calendar's End, Reports Show

By Braden Becker, Copy Editor

Believers in the accuracy of the Mayan calendar have allegedly recruited more supporters to their side, claiming recent reports indicate mechanical engineers have overlooked the tangential results of recent advancements in robotics technology, and robots will confirm world’s end with global domination by the end of 2012.

TMCnet contributor Michelle Amodio recently wrote that the robotics division of the U.S. military completed a robot that can jump as high as 30 feet, inspired by a previous machine that reaches the speed of a cheetah.

“The robot resembles something out of a Transformer cartoon,” the article stated, “and was originally built last year in order to see how closely a machine could mimic nature.” Tests may have gone well enough to inspire the next-generation jumping bot, but innovation for the sake of itself frequently ignores other outcomes.

Analysts, however, surely don’t anticipate loss of control on physical attributes alone. But innovations at MIT (News - Alert) may provide the theory’s validity with some likelihood.  

Another recent article by Amodio reported on an exhibition by MIT of a line of robots contributing in medicine and funding the healthcare industry. Robots allow for “shorter surgeries” and less taxing medical procedures, but mistakes aren’t an impossibility and malpractice suits are generally void on artificial intelligence. It’s therefore safe to say the potential bane of humanity functions on an operating system one step ahead of modern law enforcement, according to spokespeople, and efforts of legal – as well as physical – resistance would be futile.

“Robots are helpful to the community in a lot of ways,” said Mayan anthropologist Lirpa Sloof. “But considering latest advancements and supposed events this December, believers may have something here.”

Scientists nationwide have yet to halt robotics developments, but are taking extra care in each product. 

JUST KIDDING! APRIL FOOL’S FROM YOUR CRAZY FRIENDS AT TMCNET.



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