'Twas The Night Before Deadline
Twas the night ’fore my deadline, I was drinking my Tab,
Not a creature was stirring, but one in the lab.
The computers turned off with the utmost of care,
as I dreamed of review products, soon to be here.
The magazine staff was home, snug in their beds,
While visions of CTI danced in their heads.
But I was still here, I had one last review,
Working late yet again, (not entirely new).
When outside the lab there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my ($800 leather-upholstered Lazy-Boy)
chair to see what was the matter.
To the window I went, but the shade it was pinned,
A burglar? Competitor? Perhaps just the wind.
At once to the other window I flew,
Was it the vendor whose product deserved poor review?
(Come ’round to threaten, “This day you will rue!”)
Had a vendor come to demand an award?
“Oh no!” I screamed, spilling the coffee I’d poured.
I screamed to the coffee, “Not the $5 grand PC!”
But the coffee flowed on as I watched helplessly.
No of course not, the coffee it would not obey,
Drenched the Crystal PC, there would be hell to pay.
Oh well, I still have my Appro and DAX,
Perhaps I can serve up some Internet fax?
“I’ll save my equipment,” I shouted with zeal,
To my boss I will later explain my ordeal.
As the coffee flowed on, I knew I had to act fast,
At the cost of equipment, my job might not last.
The Java flowed onto an AG-8 card,
“Not Natural Micro!” My heart pounded hard.
How to explain? What to say? I don’t know.
But to quote Homer Simpson, a blood-curdling “Dooooh!”
Paper towels I needed, to the lab’s lav I ran,
Tripped on some network wires, brought down the LAN.
I fell on an Altigen PC-PBX,
“Terrific,” I thought, “just what could be next?”
I kicked Nortel’s switch, MinuteMan’s UPS,
To hell with awards, or which product is best.
I picked up a Bosch switch, through the wall it was tossed,
“I’ll show you,” I shouted, “just who is boss!”
The Meridian switch, I chucked it full-length,
You know, I never realized that I had such strength.
“No awards for you! None! Not you Teltone Simulator!
Not you Inter-Tel gateway! Nor you or you!” — As I
reeled at all the toys in the lab, I stopped for a moment. I
realized I was having a one-sided conversation with all the
broken CTI equipment...
...I’ll just tell the vendors their stuff was lost in the shipment.
I’d best get a hold, there’s still someone outside,
So I went to the doorway and slowly I pried.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a FedEx-shaped sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.
With a jolly old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew then and there that it must be St. Nick.
When all of a sudden, upon the lab roof
The prancing and pawing of each reindeer’s hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
(A chimney in a lab? That may seem bizarre.
No more than an interconnect having lunch with a VAR.)
A bundle of products were slung on his back,
And as I approached him, he opened his pack.
He asked me, “What happened to your Christmas cheer?”
“I totaled my lab!” I said, wiping a tear.
He took from his pack CTI toys (the latest),
“Do your thing CTI Guy, determine the greatest!”
“OK, Nick, I’ll try. But what about all I’ve mangled?
The Vocaltec gateway was once so newfangled.”
“Now all that remains are these pieces of scrap,
Maybe Robert Hashemian can take the rap.”
With a jovial laugh and a big toothy smile,
Santa told me, “Relax. And don’t act like a child.”
“I have to admit that I’m in quite a hurry,
But I’ve brought you replacements, so there’s no need to worry.”
“Inside my sack you’ll find boards that are new,
Dialogic and Rhetorex, NMS’s boards too.”
“V/IP Gateways from some folks known as MICOM,
And Sanyo’s new 24-speed CDROM.”
He sprinkled some magic dust (it made me cough),
Poof! A shiny new app-gen from Artisoft.
It was then that I realized that all would be well,
At last, I was free from my rampaging spell.
Then Santa exclaimed, taking off from the rooftop,
“Happy ‘Happies’ to all — CTI to the desktop!”
The preceding tale is in no way indicative of the treatment
given to products submitted for review. Really it’s not. I swear...
THE END OF ONE YEAR...
It’s the end of another year and CTI has seen tremendous growth — both the
industry and the magazine as well. We’ve been hearing good things from our readers
and we really appreciate it. We’ve also received letters from our readers providing
various suggestions. See? Even we’re not immune from a little “Room for
Improvement.” We’ve taken a hard look at some of the suggestions and have
implemented some improvements based on readers’ input. One suggestion was to provide
our articles online at our Web site. Well, I am happy to announce that we have taken your
advice and we now offer the bulk of our magazine online, including the news section,
columns, reviews, and articles. Soon, we hope to post some special items not found in the
magazine, such as RealAudio files, WAV files, and video files created in the testing of
products. Maybe we’ll even do some audio commentary on our Web site. The site (www.ctimag.com) is constantly being upgraded, so drop by
and check it out.
...AND THE START OF ANOTHER
A new year is rolling around, and we can expect some great things in our industry. With so
much ground to cover, and so much information flooding our editorial offices, CTI magazine
has announced a new forum to inform and educate. CTI Expo, an exciting new trade show
sponsored by CTI magazine, promises to be a great place to learn everything and anything
about CTI. I’m excited.
From a vendor standpoint, exhibiting at CTI EXPO is a must, for obvious reasons. To
begin with, your competitors will be there. But let me give you another reason: With the
explosive growth of CTI and with numerous new products and solutions coming out each day,
the technology editors get bombarded with vendors calling us to review their product.
Alas, there’s only so much room between the covers of a given issue.
Often, the first products to get reviewed are the ones promoted by an excited, gung-ho,
VP of marketing. If said VP calls and screams, “You have GOT to see this
product!” we’re more apt to review it than, say, a product being timidly
marketed. Squeaky wheels often do get the grease. However, it seems these days that all
the marketing folks who ring us up are excited about their next “killer”
product. (Go figure.) So we are left to decide which products are given priority in CTI
Labs. Shouting no longer works. So, how then to get our attention? I’ll tell you how.
You exhibit at CTI Expo. All of the technology editors will be there. We will be stopping
by every booth looking at every vendor’s product. If you can demonstrate that your
product is “hotter” than other products, you will be bumped up in the priority
queue to be reviewed. Simple as that! One final piece of advice is to sign up now before
the best spots on the show floor are taken. Because the sooner you sign up, the sooner you
will get press in our pre-show issues and mailings.
Now, from an attendee standpoint, that’s a no-brainer. You will see all of the
leading CTI companies, as well as some entrepreneurial start-ups, who are smart enough to
know that this is the hottest place to be right now. Take advantage of seminars from
qualified experts who will be at the show to share their experiences and their expertise.
The CTI industry is growing so rapidly and changing so fast, that even I plan to attend a
few seminars to learn about the latest trends and technologies.
CTI EXPO Spring 1998 will take place in Baltimore, MD, May 19–22, at the Baltimore
Convention Center. For more information, call 800-243-6002 ext. 0, or visit our Web site
at www.ctiexpo.com/ctiexpo
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