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I was so fatthat I wanted to die(Daily Mail Via Thomson Dialog NewsEdge)WHEN Emma McAuley was 14 years old, she seemed like a teenager waiting for death. At 23 stone, her weight was twice that of two full-grown men. Ever since she started school, her life had been filled with misery - and misery made her eat. By 16, it looked as if her death wish would come true. She tipped the scales at 34 stone and was finding it increasingly difficult to move. Her ankles were sore every time she stood. Climbing a single flight of stairs to her bedroom was an almighty struggle. Few of her friends wanted to be seen with her by now, so she rarely went out. People just stared or laughed whenever she did, anyway - they always had. Even with youth on her side, it was only a matter of time before 5ft 5in Emma's enormous body gave out. She was literally eating herself to death. Today, it is hard to believe the giggly teenage girl texting friends on her mobile phone is the same Emma McAuley. The 18-year-old has lost more than half her bodyweight in little over a year, and by 21 she aims to be down to ten stone. But it has taken radical surgery to get her there. Last year, Emma became the youngest person in Britain to have an operation to curb her eating. The gastric band procedure, performed in a Glasgow hospital, undoubtedly saved her life. Yesterday, the teenager spoke frankly of her lifelong battle against an addiction which looked likely to kill her before she was old enough to vote. Her story is a heartbreaking one that will touch every parent - and an alarming illustration of the human torment behind an obesity epidemic now sweeping the UK. ' It was a vicious circle,' said Emma. ' I was very unhappy, so I'd eat more and get even bigger, which made me even more unhappy. I was never able to break the cycle. I used to say to my mum, "I don't see the point of living".' Born in Bellshill, Lanarkshire, Emma came into the world at 8lb 7oz, but within a fortnight had already gained 2lb. Her mother Debbie, 46, said: 'She was certainly a hungry baby, but at first I didn't feed her any differently from my other kids. Then, at four months, I put her onto full-cream milk for hungry babies.' Emma grew taller and fatter and, even before her first birthday, her family was alarmed. Mrs McAuley recalls: 'The health visitor used to say it was just baby fat and that once Emma started walking about it would all come off. But it didn't happen.' Aged two, Emma weighed nearly three stone, and her mother now took her to a doctor. Tests were carried out, but the only thing out of the ordinary was a slow metabolism. By four, Emma was put on her first diet. She says: 'I remember being at the swing park before I started school and if someone was buying ice lollies, I used to have to say, "I'm not allowed them".' Yet, in those pre-school days, she was a happy-go-lucky youngster. Her mother said: 'She had a brilliant personality and oozed confidence. She was always bursting into song. And she never sat about the house. She was always on the move.' Everything changed when Emma went to school. After a few days at Cathedral Primary, she never wanted to go back and told her mother: 'Nobody wants to play with me.' Friendless, she cut a lonely, dejected figure. Soon, things would get much worse: 'I was bullied very badly, there was a lot of name calling and other things and all I could think to do was just to shrug and walk away.' She may have pretended it did not bother her, but it was tearing her apart. Her mother recalled: ' I remember meeting her coming off the school bus and one of the girls had been jumping on top of her, calling her a bouncy castle. 'Kids would draw on her legs with permanent ink and spit on her. That made me totally irate. 'It was devastating to see this happening to your own daughter. I know children can be the cruellest people in the world, but I was so angry with them, and with their parents.' Every shopping trip was a nightmare for the youngster: 'I got a lot of ridicule. People would nudge each other and stare and say things like, "Look at the size of her".' For her mother, by now feeding Emma separate meals such as salad or pasta to keep her weight down, it was heartbreaking: 'If people had been staring or said something, her face used to drop and she would not even say anything to me. To see her face like that was just awful.' 'Once, when she was bigger, I sat her down and said, "You are fat and people are going to call you fat - more so kids. You will just need to rise above it, keep your head down and walk away".' That is what Emma did, but the name She weighed 34st at the age of 16 and was forced to have surgery to save her life. Here, in this searingly honest interview, Emma McAuley tells of her lifelong struggle with obesity...and her joy at losing half her bodyweight calling hurt - and, to comfort herself, she ate. She now admits: 'There were times when I was not eating as I was supposed to, and wasn't sticking to my diet. I was having chocolate bars and crisps as well. Sometimes people would give them to me, even though they weren't meant to.' When she moved from primary school to Our Lady's High School in Motherwell, her mother's control over her food intake slipped further. Like other youngsters, she wanted to buy her own lunch. If she went to the shops with other pupils, she would buy healthy, low-fat food - but often she returned to the shop on her own: 'I'd buy junk, things like chocolate bars and pizzas. I used to like Flakes and I'd buy a few at a time and eat them all. 'My sanctuary was in chocolate bars and I was thinking, "Who cares? I'd rather be dead than go through this life with all the nasty comments." I really did want to die.' It was becoming increasingly hard to find clothes to fit Emma. Even at 12, a school blazer with a 50in chest size had to be made specially for her, at enormous expense. If her mother managed to find trousers to fit her, she would buy several pairs at once, only to find Emma had grown out of them in weeks. At home, her brother John and sisters Gillian and Megan affectionately called her ' Fatima' , and Emma spent most of the time at the computer, too depressed and self-conscious to go out. In desperation, her mother once ordered slimming pills for herself with the intention of giving them to her daughter, despite knowing there could be harmful side effects for children. She took a couple herself to try them out, felt ill, and decided she could not risk them on Emma. At 13, Emma was referred to a psychologist in Glasgow, but continued to get bigger. At 14, now weighing 23 stone, she spent her entire summer holidays in the city's Yorkhill Hospital on an intensive diet and exercise regime. 'By then I was having problems with my ankles, so I was seeing a physiotherapist and doing gym and treadmills and swimming,' she recalls. 'I remember I was sent a big bunch of fruit when I got there and I wasn't allowed it. 'It was a 600 calorie-a-day diet and I lost a couple of stone, I think.' Doctors decided she was producing too much insulin, and put her on a course of tablets called Orlistat. A side effect of those was diarrhoea whenever Emma deviated from her strict diet and ate chocolate - so Emma stopped taking the tablets without telling anyone. By her mid-teens, her behaviour showed many of the hallmarks of a typical drug addict. She was deceiving those closest to her, often snapping at her mother and sinking ever deeper into depression. Her mother knew very well that, before long, alterations would be required in their house. Because of the pain in her ankles, Emma was find it increasingly difficult to shower. Ultimately, her mother sensed, death might not be far away. 'I knew that was the next thing,' said Mrs McAuley. 'But I didn't know what else to do. The past ten years had been an absolute nightmare and it felt like we'd tried everything. 'Emma had an addiction - the brain was just saying "feed me, feed me" - but it wasn't recognised as that. When they first mentioned the word "obese" to me, I had to go home and look up the dictionary. You didn't hear the word much then.' By the time Emma was referred to consultant surgeon David Galloway at Gartnavel Hospital, it was clear drastic action was needed. By April 2004, she weighed 32 stone. Although the surgeon had never considered such a procedure on anyone as young as Emma, he proposed fitting her with a gastric band to stop her eating. The operation, performed by keyhole surgery, involved placing a band around the upper area of the stomach, severely limiting the amount of food Emma could eat. She would feel full after only a few mouthfuls. Whole bars of chocolate or bags of crisps would simply make her sick. By the time the operation was carried out, several months after Emma left school in February last year, she had hit 34 stone. She weighed four times as much as most girls her age, and had to be weighed on special scales, unavailable in most hospitals. It was surely her lowest, most pitiful ebb. Explaining her case, Mr Galloway said: 'People of this weight only get to that stage by taking in huge amounts of calories. They eat in the same way as others abuse tobacco or alcohol. 'Generally, we would be discouraged from operating on people under 18. This is the only under-18 case I have ever done.' Emma says: 'The operation was done on a Monday and I was home by the Thursday. The doctors seemed really pleased with the way I was recovering.' But it was not all plain sailing. In those first few months the band had to be adjusted several times. 'There were times when it was too tight and really uncomfortable and once there was an air bubble which made me feel really dehydrated.' For several weeks, all Emma's food had to be liquidised, and when she finally moved onto solids, even a few bites would sometimes make her sick. ' I couldn't eat a full meal at a time, even now,' she says. 'You have a little, but more often. I don't even feel like eating chocolate now. I have kid-sized portions of things.' The effect of the operation was extraordinary. Since February last year, she has been shedding the fat at the rate of more than a stone a month. From 34 stone, she has dropped to 16st 9lb - still big, but no longer the kind of weight which attracts ridicule in the street. For the first time in her life, Emma can choose her own clothes from High Street stores. She can experiment with her look. She has even started going to parties. 'Some of the people I went to school with just walk straight past me now, ' she says. ' They don't recognise me. 'Even members of my own family hardly believe it. I can walk faster and feel so much better for it. 'But I want to get down to ten stone - that's what I'm aiming for by the time I'm 21.' Sadly, it is likely Emma will need the gastric band for the rest of her life and will require further surgery as her weight approaches her target. Extreme teenage obesity has left her with a large amount of loose skin which, understandably, she is now keen to lose. But that is for another day. For now, she has her life back. Sporting a tongue stud, bright-pink jewellery and carefully applied makeup, she cares as much about her appearance as any other 18-year-old with naturally attractive features. Watching her daughter putting on lipstick in front of the mirror, Mrs McAuley said: 'I can't thank Mr Galloway enough. We both just want to say thank you to him. 'She's got her life back. She can be a normal human being again, and that's all I ever wanted for her.' [email protected] |