[May 11, 2013] Santa Cruz Sentinel, Calif., Wallace Baine column Tweet May 11, 2013 (Santa Cruz Sentinel - McClatchy-Tribune Information Services via COMTEX) -- Today, there are two of me. The process of packing for a vacation, which I'm doing right now, splits my usually unified self into a bickering pair of selves. When that vacation is halfway around the world, which this one is, then & well, you don't want to be around me, or me. First Self is putting together the checklist of essentials, but Second Self is entertaining a radical idea -- what if we left the gadgets at home The iPhone, the tablet, the laptop, the whole bunch of them. We don't have a tablet, says First Self, rifling through the Hawaiian shirts in the closet. Though I have been kicking the tires on them. Great, says Second Self. One down, two to go. First Self smirks. Shut up and help me find the bifocal sunglasses, will ya No, seriously, says Second Self. Traveling is about getting away, not just from your job and your house, but from your everyday habits and obsessions, your patterns of thinking, your ingrained routines. Otherwise, all you're doing is hauling your old bag of guts from one spot in the world to another. What is the point of that First Self isn't listening. He's wondering if he's too fat to wear those swim trunks he bought in 1994. Are you a slave to that smart phone says Second Self. Think about it. How many times a day do you just pull it out to look at it, not to make a call, or send an e-mail, but just to see if the thing is working, to check your messages, your scores, your newsfeed That's what you need a vacation from. First Self is having none of it. You're talking nonsense. Leave the phone at home Why don't I just saw off one of my feet and leave that at home Why don't I just scoop out my eye with an ice-cream scooper and put it in the fridge for safekeeping until I get back Do I have to remind you, says Second Self, that there was a time when you didn't have some expensive "Star Trek" toy in your pocket everywhere you went That you used to take hikes and bike rides without buds dangling from your ears That you used to just to sit and think without a constant stream of electronic input flowing into your cerebral cortex Now, you can't walk to the mailbox without being hooked to some podcast or playlist. You're pathetic. Jeez, you're a hypocrite, thunders First Self. Seems I remember you were around when we bought this doo-dad, were you not Seems I remember you were quite giddy about it, too. I'm just sayin,' says Second, it's a cool thing to have, sure. But it has its place. You're darn right it has its place, says First. Right here in my hand, I mean, c'mon. Listen to yourself. If we had been on vacation the last two weeks without the phone or the computer, we would be so out of it now. We would have no idea who Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, Jason Collins or Charles Ramsey is. Everybody would be yucking it up at parties, and we'd be sitting there like a tool. Is that what you want I don't know about you, but I don't particularly like feeling like Rip Van Winkle. It freaks me out. Go ahead and keep talking, says Second, you're making my point for me. And just what do you suggest I do about my fantasy team says First. What if Asdrubal Cabrera gets hurt the first day we're on vacation and I don't move him off the roster for two weeks Ruinous! What you're asking is just a bridge too far. I can't get through the day without some stupid Donald Trump tweet, or some infuriating Lindsay Graham quote. My podcasts are going to back up if I don't monitor them, and don't even get me going on Reddit. And hello Stanley Cup playoffs How are we going to absorb another culture, to shed our own skin, if we're going to some other country still plugged in to our own culture says Second. It's not only that we need a break from America. We need a break from being American. That's the problem with being an American tourist. They bring their cultural baubles with them. They shoot their pictures, Tweet them to Aunt Marge in Omaha, talk mainly to other American tourists about the funny plugs in their hotels, how to avoid diarrhea and TiVo-ing "Game of Thrones" back home. You don't want to be one of those people. Wait, says First, funny plugs No computers! pronounces Second. OK, fine, says First. We'll just sit around listening to the mosquitos and waiting for diarrhea. Second, pleased with himself, moves over to the stack of Asian novels and Rumi poetry anthologies for his big vacation reading decision. First pretends to arrange his socks in the suitcase, and slides the iPhone in under the socks. For emergencies, he tells himself. And Google Maps & and Yelp & and ... just an occasional peek at the hockey scores. I'll thank myself later. Contact Wallace Baine at [email protected]. ___ (c)2013 the Santa Cruz Sentinel (Scotts Valley, Calif.) Visit the Santa Cruz Sentinel (Scotts Valley, Calif.) at www.santacruzsentinel.com Distributed by MCT Information Services [ Back To TMCnet.com's Homepage ]