[January 31, 2012] Looking for love online: Dating sites are convenient but know their quirks Tweet Jan 31, 2012 (The Fayetteville Observer - McClatchy-Tribune Information Services via COMTEX) -- Finding true love has never been easy, but online dating sites have made the search a little less difficult. So, if you're looking for love this year, you might want to try jumping into the Internet dating pool. Julie Spira, an online dating expert and author of "The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online," said the search for love in the cyber world has become a $3 billion worldwide industry, with several thousand online dating sites. "The number is growing every day," said Spira, who also offers tips for online dating on her website, cyberdatingexpert.com. But with all the choices out there, you could get flooded with a lot of what you don't want, Spira said. The first step is to find the right site for you. "A lot of people don't know how to choose the perfect site," said Spira, who performs assessments for each of her clients and helps guide them through the online dating process. After learning more about her client's values and long-term goals, Spira said she sometimes realizes people have been on the wrong site. "Is it golfing or socializing you're most interested in? Or is it your religious beliefs? Those are important questions to ask yourself," she said. But even if you do ask yourself those questions, finding Mr. or Ms. Right might not happen quickly -- or at all. Adam Reiber, a 33-year-old Army officer at Fort Bragg, said he joined Match.com for the first time a few months ago. So far, Reiber said, he's been on about five dates, but nothing has sparked. "I was gung-ho at first," he said. "Now, I'm more selective. You learn lessons, I guess. You kind of have to find out more about them." Reiber said he's been disappointed in women who post old and unrealistic profile pictures and potential paramours with poor grammar skills. Reiber said he knows it might sound superficial or silly, but some things are important to him. Grammar happens to be one of those things, he said. He sticks with it, however, because he has friends who find dates online, and it seems like the best option for his life, he said. One of Reiber's good friends even found his fiance online. Reiber said he prefers online dating to meeting women in bars, or going up to them in grocery stores. But clicking "wink" buttons, which lets a potential date know you're interested, can still feel odd, he said. "I think it's lazy dating," he said. "You can sit at home in your PJ's and flip through the profiles. But I guess it's convenient." It also helps weed out women from his search. "I like the fact that you can look without actually talking to them," he said. "You can say, 'Oh, this person has nine kids,' and that's not what I really want." Still, online dating takes a key component out of the search process, which might not always be a good thing, he said. "When you go out and meet someone, you know in the first five seconds if you want to date them," he said. "It's not like that online." Reiber said he is taking things more slowly now, and tries to get to know a woman better before agreeing to a date. He also plans to end a relationship more quickly if red flags start popping up. "My friend will walk out in a heartbeat," Reiber said. "His motto is 'You don't commit more resources to a losing battle.' Once there's a red flag, he cuts it and cuts it well." TIPS Expert Julie Spira offers the following tips for online dating. For more tips, or to share your online dating stories, go to cyberdatingexpert.com. Choose the right site or sites for you. Take some time and check out as many dating sites as you can. Some are big and offer plenty of matches, but others are more niche-oriented and are tailored to particular religious beliefs or interests, such as book-lovers or pet-lovers. Some sites are free, while others can charge monthly fees and/or registration charges. Don't be afraid to sign up for more than one site, either, Spira said. Make your profile pictures speak for you. Spira suggests three to five profile pictures. They should include a recent and clear shot of your face; a full-length body shot; and a picture of you participating in a favorite activity, such as hiking or traveling. Women shouldn't be afraid to wear colorful clothes, but bathing suits and overly provocative poses and clothing should be eliminated. Men should keep their shirts firmly on in these pictures -- no matter how awesome the abs. Seriously. Create a profile that will give them something to talk about. Your profile should be short, sweet and include your interests, such as travel or art, or anything that gives those with similar interests a way to engage you. "If you love music, talk about this great concert you went to see, like Bruce Springsteen," Spira said. Don't ignore the red flags. Texting is not the same as a phone call. If the person you're interested in can't be bothered to talk to you on the phone, you might not want to bother with them, Spira said. If they continuously break dates, drop them, Spira said. "If somebody's going to break plans with you repeatedly, it's a huge red flag," she said. Don't let your relationship get lost in cyberspace. Take your relationship from online to offline as soon as you can and still feel comfortable. You'll be able to gauge a connection with a phone call. "Don't get emotionally attached and in a relationship with someone you've only met from behind a keyboard," Spira said. Staff writer Jennifer Calhoun can be reached at [email protected] or 486-3595. ___ (c)2012 The Fayetteville Observer (Fayetteville, N.C.) Visit The Fayetteville Observer (Fayetteville, N.C.) at www.fayobserver.com Distributed by MCT Information Services [ Back To TMCnet.com's Homepage ]