[August 26, 2007]

Dating in code: Text messaging takes place of calls, letters

(Chattanooga Times (Free Press, TN) (KRT) Via Thomson Dialog NewsEdge) Aug. 26--When Vanessa McNeil's phone vibrated to signal a new text message from her boyfriend, she didn't expect drama.

"I thought he wanted to tell me to have a good day," said Ms. McNeil, a senior at the University of Tennessee. But the message detailed her boyfriend's desire to end the relationship.

Ms. McNeil said she didn't think the relationship was working either, but thought the way he broke the news was cowardly.

"He tried to call me that evening to discuss it, but I didn't want to answer and get upset again," Ms. McNeil said. "I felt like he took the easy way out and didn't deserve to talk to me."

The number of people using text messages to communicate with a date or mate is increasing according to a recent survey by wireless provider AT&T.

Messages like , "Hey Cu T," "I luv u" and "We shld brk up" are replacing the love letter as a primary way to communicate romantic feelings.

"People are not as inhibited when texting," Ms. McNeil said. "They have the little keypad and screen to hide behind. They don't have to deal with the repercussions of what they say in person."

Dr. Sandy McKenzie, a counselor and executive coach of Sandy McKenzie and Associates in Chattanooga, said text messaging can be a useful way to connect.

"It allows us to multitask and have contact when you need it, and there is no time for a chat," she said.

"It's visual and another one of our senses that can be touched quickly and spontaneously. There is an extra element of intimacy because no one knows you are communicating," she said.

Fred Giles, a self-proclaimed veteran of "texting wars," said the barrier between romantic and unromantic communication can blur when someone is limiting their speech to 300 characters or less.

Mr. Giles, a senior at the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga, said text messaging is useful for first contact in a relationship but should not be used as a main channel because technological delays can cause a ruckus.

"You have to send the initial text, then you have to send a conformational text," Mr. Giles said. "Text messaging should be used to let a person know you are thinking about them or want to converse with them later."

Dr. McKenzie said face-to-face communication is more appropriate in some cases. Delicate situations need more compassion than a text message would allow, she said.

"It's not so much how horrible the text is, it's too quick," she said. "You don't break up in code. That shows a lack of courtesy and respect for other people."

Jodie Mayfield, a senior at UTC, said text messaging helps her keep in touch with the guy she is dating.

"I like texting because the other person can't see your emotions," she said. "And you can think about what you want to say beforehand."

Ms. Mayfield said economics may fuel the choice for many young people to use their thumbs as a means of romantic communication.

"Sending a text message doesn't use up cell phone minutes," she said.

E-mail Amber J. Adams at aadams@timesfreepress.com

Text-messaging shorthand

-- AWGTHGTTA: Are we going to go through this again?

-- CYT or SYT: See you tomorrow.

-- Gudluk: Good Luck.

-- H&K: Hugs and Kisses.

-- ILU or ILY: I love you.

-- MU: Miss You.

-- Source: AT&T Txt 2 connect tutorial.

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