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Cyber stalker clogs spam filter
Mar 10, 2009 (Contra Costa Times - McClatchy-Tribune News Service via COMTEX) --
Q: I have a cyber stalker. He's not an ex _ just an acquaintance I spoke with a few times using my business e-mail. When he proposed an inappropriate relationship _ I'm married _ I told him to stop writing. He apologized, and I placed his e-mail address in my spam register. I thought he'd stopped writing me. But last month I searched my spam file for an important missing e-mail and found months of e-mails from this guy describing a fantasy relationship he thinks we have. I explained everything to my husband; he didn't seem worried _ but I want to do something! I bet there are people who break up only to have their exes stalk them through e-mail. What can I do?
A: Cyber-stalking ex-etiquette? What you describe is different from being harassed by an ex via e-mail. If you have children with an ex, you have to continue to communicate. Otherwise, you could just close your e-mail account so the stalker can't find you.
But this is a business account, and even if you change your address, you can be found through the company directory. Ask if your company has procedures in place for handling cyber stalking.
Authorities say that routing the stalker's mail to your spam file is a good idea. Any responses to him could reinforce his fantasy relationship with you. If he's unbalanced, angry e-mails to him could fuel the fire. Proof? You told him to stop writing _ yet he continues.
Most states have regulations against harassment by electronic means (telephone, e-mail, fax, etc.). If you have an angry ex who's venting through e-mail, you may need a therapist or mediator to help you both address the issues that are prompting the anger.
If you're frightened for any reason, however, particularly if you fear violence, that's not something to mess with even if you think it's just your ex blustering. Many police departments have cyber crime units. If you or your children feel immediately threatened, call 911. Other resources: U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline, 800-799-7233; National Center for Missing and Exploited Children's Cyber Tip Line, 800-843-5678.
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(Jann Blackstone-Ford, Psy.D., and her husband's ex-wife, Sharyl Jupe, authors of "Ex-Etiquette for Parents," are the founders of Bonus Families (www.bonusfamilies.com). Reach them at ee@bonusfamilies.com.)
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(c) 2009, Contra Costa Times (Walnut Creek, Calif.).
Visit the Contra Costa Times on the Web at http://www.contracostatimes.com.
Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.
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