'Quick! To the Batfax!”
No, that wasn’t how it went, was it? It was the Batphone. Phones always get the best roles in movies. Fax machines need new agents.
Take The Usual Suspects. Who can forget the penultimate scene where – spoiler alert – the police sketch image of Kaiser Soze from the survivor of the explosion comes through too late for the detective to catch Verbal Kent (Kevin Spacey), who has calmly walked out of Chazz Palmieri’s office in the police station after spinning a fabulous story on the spot?
Durn fax machine. If the sketch had been e-mailed Chazz would have gotten it on time and not let a notorious criminal walk free.
Or the scene in Jerry Maguire, where Renee Zellweger and Tom Cruise anxiously await the contract offer from the Cardinals for Cuba Gooding Jr. – Cruise saying “We got a good fax today,” and the offer being a crushing disappointment to all?
Everybody in the audience at that point wanted to reach through the screen and kick the hateful fax machine to the floor themselves.
Or Lost in Translation. As an aging, dissipated Bill Murray prostitutes himself in Japan to shoot a whiskey ad for a quick buck, his sole means of communication with his family is via fax – the cold, impersonal fax machine giving Murray nothing but an endless stream of inanity, nagging him to pick a color of carpet for the house.
The fax machine as symbol of existential alienation, of deconstructed relationships, of “Will yer shaddap awready?” A phone you can hang up, an e-mail you can delete, a fax rumbles imperiously into the room, demanding it be read.
Or, of course, the inimitable scene – although judging from YouTube (News - Alert), many have tried to imitate it – in Office Space where the fax machine is bashed and pounded into oblivion by over-the-edge guys who have had Just. About. Enough. Problems from it.
No, what we need, friends, is a scene where the distraught mother is waiting for news of her son following the plane crash, when across the room the fax machine blinks and whirrs to life, delivering the news… “I’m fine, Mom.” As she sags in relief, hugging the beloved fax machine which has brought her good tidings of great joy, the screen fades to black, credits roll…
David Sims is a contributing editor for TMCnet. To read more of David’s articles, please visit his columnist page. He also blogs for TMCnet here.
Edited by Michael Dinan