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Cyber mediation [The Miami Herald](Miami Herald (FL) Via Acquire Media NewsEdge) June 08--Scheduling meltdowns. Missed appointments. Custody hand-offs. Nasty texts and emails. Unexplained dental and doctor bills. For years, these kinds of disputes often led divorced parents into costly court battles and "he said, she said" feuds -- with their children caught in the middle. But over the past several years, a spate of high-tech websites are helping fractured families manage their lives in cyberspace, without ever having to raise a voice or pay a lawyer. Divorce mediators say the websites add efficiency and eliminate the emotion that continues long after the legal war is over. Messages cannot be erased and every entry can be traced, so that there's no dispute over who said what. In Broward and Miami Dade courts, some judges are ordering parents to use the websites, such as OurFamilyWizard.com and ShareKids.com, to communicate with each other. One benefit is that the sites can be viewed by judges and attorneys, thereby eliminating constant court visits over scheduling, financial issues and simple miscommunication. Ugly court battles often leave couples unable to speak to each other, or worse, sending repeated emails that can be altered and deleted, leaving no record of the discord or how to resolve it. The Wizard and other sites give therapists, divorce mediators, family coordinators and even the courts the ability to view the site and resolve issues without costly litigation. Like a lot of innovative ideas, Wizard began as a college project by a student at the University of Minnesota. Senior Jai Kassoon was searching for a project when a family dispute led him to create the website. A divorced cousin and ex-wife had a flap over which parent was supposed to have their children over Christmas vacation. Both thought they had planned trips around each other's schedules. As it turned out, the trips overlapped, wreaking havoc on the families' holidays. Kassoon's mother, a lawyer, suggested the feuding former spouses create a calendar-based website to help keep track of holidays and appointments. With the help of his family, Kassoon submitted the idea as his college project. His professor, however, wasn't impressed, telling him it would never work. "He told me, you have two people who hate each other, they aren't going to do something like this,'' Kassoon recalled. "Two years later, the professor, who was divorced, was ordered to use the site in court.'' The site, launched in 2001 at the Minnesota Family Law Institute, took off. Ten years later, the company boasts subscriptions from more than 20,000 families in 50 states, plus customers in Canada, Australia, Britain, and most English-speaking countries around the globe. Kassoon is the company's CEO. And now, more than 35 states routinely order couples to use web-based sites like Wizard as part of their divorce and custody agreements. The $99-a-year service includes a shared calendar, message boards (for both parents and children), expense logs and a place to note important phone numbers and addresses, such as pediatricians, insurance company info, school phone numbers, friends' phone numbers and places to scan in important documents, like report cards. Susan Greenhawt, Broward's administrative family court judge, said they've come a long way since the days when couples communicated via fax machines. Even emails, texts and Facebook aren't effective ways to communicate in an age where instantaneous messages often convey more anger than productive communication. "I have literally thousands of testimonials from clients, saying thank you so much, it really helps us keep the focus on the kids,'' said Bill Moritz, founder of ShareKids.com. Like the Wizard, it offers many of the same features and costs about the same. Moritz, a single parent who raised four children, said the idea came to him after talking with other single parents. He has a doctorate in computer science, and travels around the country with his laptop so that he's always available to help his clients, some of whom aren't computer savvy. The websites also help single parents to work together so that their children's time is well spent. For example, if one parent has to work a weekend and notes it on the calendar, the other parent may offer to take the children, instead of leaving them home or with a babysitter. The same with school holidays -- parents can schedule which of them is available to care for the children. "I tell my clients: Think about how many times people just fire off a text or email and sometimes are sorry the next day that they put that in writing. This gives people some time to think, but you have to want to do it,'' Greenhawt said. "It's really for people who are motivated to do what's best for their kids.'' In Miami-Dade, most of the county's judges recommend or order families to use the site, and have been for years, said Sandy Karlan, chief family court judge. She and other judges say it still can be used by spouses who divorced long ago and may not be aware of the technology. "I believe many of the judges and lawyers request the families to use it,'' Karlan said. "It's a very good vehicle for families in high conflict and it's a way for parents to talk to one another. Their emails are preserved, and can be viewed later by attorneys and mediators to avoid disputes that occur.'' Greenhawt and Karlan said few people object to using the family-friendly sites. "The couples wanting to cooperate but are just having difficulty are the ones who like it. The ones who want to be difficult are the ones who don't like it,'' Greenhawt said. "It takes two parents who want to co-parent and see the benefit of doing it for their children." ___ To see more of The Miami Herald or to subscribe to the newspaper, go to http://www.herald.com. Copyright (c) 2011, The Miami Herald Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services. For more information about the content services offered by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services (MCT), visit www.mctinfoservices.com, e-mail [email protected], or call 866-280-5210 (outside the United States, call +1 312-222-4544) |